As I stumble out onto the stage, I can hear you all cheering, "Cactus! Cactus! What did you think of the pilot?!". Don't worry, I would be equally as excited to hear the opinion of a random ass, currently-maybe-sick, & brainfogged Twitter user. But sadly, I am that Twitter user.
Luckily for you all, I'm quite bad at speaking on the spot. So, you all get to read a blog post, instead! I announce, sitting on the too-soft armchair on the stage & connecting my laptop to the massive, Ted-Ed looking screen, showing the blog post you're currently reading.
Okay, enough of me being dramatic for no fucking reason. Let's get into it!
Some Starting Nitpicks
Real quick, I just wanna get this out of the way: I like the pilot. As a pilot. As a first episode? Hell no. As a proof of concept? Sure.
My biggest issue? The pacing. Holy shit. The pilot moved waaay too fast. It was great seeing everybody! But 11 minutes...? I know that if they greenlight it, they're going to remake this episode (& ideally make it longer?), but still.
That, & also in a lot of scenes it felt like too much was moving. The way everything in the foreground, background, & the characters moved left me having a really hard time focusing on... anything? I haven't seen this brought up but I found it really hard to follow the characters' actions when every single thing on the screen was all over the place all the time.
The Review! (Big-Picture)
I'm going to move through this chronologically, & then add my thoughts on the characters below.
I wasn't expecting to see WV! I was super hyped to see him. I'm hyped to get to see his story alongside that of the beta kids, I think that it's a very interesting approach. Albiet one I like.
 |
| Hi, WV! |
Also, I'd heard about them blurring the posters, but it doesn't look nearly as bad I'd expected! Though, I partly do wish they maybe could've drawn some off-brand ones instead? Maybe?
Okay, now to stop ignoring the elephant in the room: The narrator. WHY?? I get it, the comic is narrated. But the way in which they enunciate words sounds far too theatrical. I get it, we're being dramatic. But I wish they spoke clearer. Less like Caine from the Amazing Digital Circus (Don't get me wrong, I love his voice for his character) & more like... I don't have a great counter-example so I'm just going to say David Attenborough. I feel like having a narrator adds to much audial clutter, though. Like yes, Dave gets to make one meta-joke about it, but it just adds to the pilot's excessive busy-ness.
 |
| A young man stands in his--I'm fine with this gag, but why does the narrator persist beyond this? |
Also, I didn't notice until my re-watch for this post, but I love the fact that it shows the comic panel on the screen, cute!
 |
| I'd love it if we got to see all four on this screen in the comic style, to be honest. |
"ZOOSMELL POOPLORD!" "It's John, actually. John Egbert" Then, maybe there's a moment where the narrator says something like "Fine." in an annoyed tone and moves on. I think I would've preferred that, to be honest.
 |
| Like we can just move on from here, guys... |
I do love John being a "classic teenage boy", though. I think the shot in which he rummages around and finds all the cakes in his room is really cute. I'm also just going to take a moment to comment on his room & the overall art style for the sets: Cute!
 |
| I do love his reaction to "poorly", though! :-] |
I do wish they calmed down with the airbrush, though. Everything looks really... shiny? I feel like the floors and walls look almost metallic, & it makes the characters & props feel out of place. Also, I just don't love everything looking shiny.
"Oh, yes! Pesterchum!" I exclaim, seeing Dave call John. But before I can finish that thought I am rocked back and forth like I do my protein shakes by Dave pulling the screen in a thousand directions, each of which causes some unwelcome screen shake. I love seeing the characters call one another, but did we really need each pesterlog to cause the screen to move a ton? It's cute seeing them interact with the dividers, but they're all always moving. It just adds to that feeling of clutter I get? Like, they can move the divider, sure. But oh my God... not like every other second. Or just get rid of the screen shake. Please!
 |
| Dave, I love you. But I see why they call you "Insufferable Prick". For God's sake, stop moving the screen around. |
Also, I think the text bubbles are cute! I think John's "Hooooolllyy shit!" is cute. I like the way in which they used them to play with space! But, if I can nitpick for a moment: I wish it was written in his usually typing style (so like "hooooolllyy shit!"). But really, that's a nitpick that doesn't really matter all too much. Rather than showing a picture of this, though, I want to talk about Dave's room!
 |
| "Snoop Doggy"... |
We get to see his ironic photography!! Yes! Also the SBaHJ taped to his door?? And also his turntables! Cute!! I also love that while John's room is shaded with cool tones, his is shaded with warm ones. Yes, I know it's because that beautiful Houston sky is literally on fire, but still.
I also love the way in which the characters' little chibi versions are with the boxes. I think the way in which they can interact with both them & others is super cute! Also, i love that they kept the Pesterchum colors. I think that these boxes will be great with parts like the trolls (Like, Terezi getting John to die...) or when Karkat argues with himself on the memos!!
 |
| Also, is that Marty McFly on the poster? Fuck yeah, dude! |
Ahh, yes. Now it's time for the Narrator to explain the Sylladex to us. To us who know, it's a bit redundant, but it is sorely needed, so I can't complain. I like how it's kind of like an infomercial, with the background & all, though! Also, I like John telling the Narrator to shut up. But, I really don't think having a narrator just for these gags is worth it? Like, yeah, they need to explain the sylladex and stuff to us, but please make them talk less. Please.
 |
| Thank you, John. Thank you. |
And the Strife Specibus! I always pronounced it "Spec-u-bus" for some reason, so I got a bit surprised when I realized I've been saying it wrong. Anyways, I do love WV controlling the mouse, that's a cute touch! Also, poor John, forever locked with hammers. I do like him defending himself instead of saying "Eh, whatever." like he does in the comic. I like him being just a little bit less passive with his friends.
 |
| I think that Dave looks really sweet here. I'm going to touch on his smiley-ness later, by the way. |
Anyways, more of me complaining about the camera moving too much. I understand we want to show off his living room, but three shots?? I wish they condensed it to two, or just made it so that in each shot John was in relatively the same position as he ended up in the last, so he could keep us pinned in each angle. Nitpick? Yeah, probably.
Also! Yay, Rose! But before I comment on her... why did the Harlequin get more focus than Nanna's ashes? I don't mean this in the way of like, respect, or the like. Nanna is just a more important character? Like, the big part of Nannaquin is Nanna, not the Harlequin? Is that just me...?
Anyways, Rose! Rose! I love that her room is purple. Like Dave's being red (orange?). Also, she's cute! I'm going to talk more about the characters & their voices later, but she talks like... really fast. Also her crush on Dave... fuck, I forgot. I just hope people don't ship them... please...
I feel like the JohnDave bait (Which I totally took, by the way) was added in because of this. Not that I mind! I can admit that seeing a real JohnDave moment made me excited. I'm no major shipper, but yeah. If this is bait, though... they better follow through.
 |
| JohnDave... Pepsicola... regardless of the name, it's nice to see. |
Also, I really hated John's line about shoving his hand up the Postmaster General's ass. It just felt... out of character? That's something Dave would say! Not John! I am fine with his "Bye, sucker!". Let him be silly!
Oh my god! Jade! Hi! I don't really understand why she's in a little bubble unlike everybody else? I mean, I don't mind, she's really cute. But...? Is that the only reason? Is it because she's dreaming? I do love how she talks a lot, though. Also the ways she emotes!! Aaah!! But I'm going to save my Jade talk for the character section... sigh...
 |
| She's so cute!! I think she's super sweet & awesome. |
But, as we move into The Note Desolation Plays (awesome flash)... we are once again beseiged by the Narrator! Oh my god!! Shut the fuck up! You don't need to be here!! Just zoom out, show us the street with the windchime, & move on!! Please! And then it gets cut short!! Nooo!! I love the flash because it's just a moment to breathe. Listening to wind & windchimes. It sells the idea of "desolation". No music, just silence, an empty street on a normal day. I think that this part being played straight is something the pilot really needed, so I was pretty bummed.
Also, I never realized it was pronounced "Sburb"... I always thought it was like... "S-Burb". Oops. Regardless, sadly we are thrown back into a lot happening both visually & audibly. I think including Jade stepping away is important, but it's all so fast. I would've liked a moment where we go, "Holy shit? Is Jade okay?!" before she resolves it. I think it would let the tension rest a bit more, rather then going from a 10 to a 1.
I do think Dave's meta-humor about the Title Drop is funny, though. Plus, oh my god, the ARM?! So, this means we're getting the Retcon in Act 6. I might check to see if Act 1 has any tar... I do like John just disregarding the arm, it's funny. He really doesn't give a damn. Also, meteor! Yay! Hi!
 |
| I like how small he is here... |
Now, though. We have the John/Dadbert Strife! We've all seen stuff talking about the camera angles, & I agree that they look... bad, so I'm just going to ignore that, because a LOT happens here. I think it's important to remember that John is the one who initiatives the Strife, so I'm very happy to see that maintained (I mean, Dadbert just stands there)! Also, I really love how John says a bunch of dumb stuff like "Hiiiyaaaah!", "Hammerrr... attack!!", & "Here we go!"!! It really helps us to realize that he's a kid!! I also LOVE how dramatic the scene is. Especially with the cakes!! I actually love this scene a lot. I'm typically one for fight scenes but this one is super well done!!
 |
| Originally, I was going to comment on the Egbert-shaped holes in the wall. But the way Dadbert protects John here is SO IMPORTANT to me. Like this says all it needs to & more! |
I also love how immediately afterwards we see Dadbert waving smoke away from the smoke alarm. Great way to tell the audience that "Yeah, this sick-ass anime battle didn't actually happen. It was just John being dramatic.". Then the audience can go "John's dad is just... normal? Why's John so avoidant of him?" which sets up a lot of stuff for their relationship that I love!
 |
| Please picture this being covered in red clickbait arrows... This was hype moments & aura for me. |
I also think that ending the Pilot with the install of the SBURB beta is perfect!! I mean, given that it was 10 minutes longer. But, it's also a pilot, not a first episode. Whatever.
Okay! I'm going to limit myself for how much I have to say about the stuff teased at the end. First of all: Jade!! Hi!!! I actually love that Jadebot & Dream selves are kinda established here. I think a big part of Jade in the early Acts is the question as to "What is going on with her??", so getting us to ask that question here is great!! We get to see some more of WV drawing on the walls of the lab, & CANTOWN!! Yeah! This (to me) confirms that WV is going to get attention, too. Yay! Also, we get to see some Imps! Not a ton to say beyond "They look good.". But then... we get DAVESPRITE??!! On the ROOFTOP?? I'm going to take this to mean that we won't get Calsprite. Holy shit. So, we're going to see future Dave way earlier, & thus Davesprite too! Oh my god!! Also, Davesprite looks sick!! Fuck yeah!!
 |
| Guys... WHY IS HE ON THE ROOF???!!! WHY IS CAL DESTROYED?? |
Also... on Prospit... is that JOHN?! Does this mean his Dream Self wakes up earlier?? Oh my god! We might get to see Prospitian society! We get John awake ON Prospit! Back to Jade with the Time Lotus! And Rose! And... SPADES SLICK?! KARKAT! Holy bait. I'm falling for it, though! Hi, Karkat! Hi, Karkat! Oh my god, Jack Noir! Guys! Don't move! It's Jack! & he's about to do the best flash (Black) in the comic!! Do not talk to me. Also, Hussie's here. On the mantle, he has a photo of himself & Toby Fox, plus the stunning painting Dirk receives in Beyond Canon, two fun touches!
And then... ALL OF THE TROLLS. I am not going to post images of every troll here, but they all look really cute!! Especially Feferi, Aradia, & Karkat. I wish Tavros's hair was a bit longer but I don't really care because I love Tavros. Also, Kanaya gets her own scentence because she looks super sick & awesome & cool. Also, I like Karkat raging at the end. What's he raging at, though? Can't be John because he isn't on the meteor yet. Maybe he's doing some ~ATH. Also, the little post-credits Karkat is really cute!! Awwww!!!
The Characters...
I feel like a lot of us (or atleast me) read Homestuck for the characters, yeah? I think they all got the gist of themselves down pretty well, but I want to expound on my thoughts for them all. I'm going to make this part shorter because I don't feel like watching the pilot through again, & I just got up for an hour to eat a really late lunch.
John!
Egbert! Yay! I think the pilot does a pretty good job with him. Toby Fox does a surprisingly good job at voice acting him. Sometimes the emotions feel a little bit... off..? But really, I like his John voice, & I don't think it dips below Pretty Good. Also, I think John looks pretty decent! I wish we saw his teeth more (like when frowning), but I think it's kind of negligible. He was a bit more... animated? Like, he feel like he was more chill in the comic at this part. I don't mind it, but I think he should've been toned down a bit, like he's silly, but sometimes he felt more like Dave.
 |
| Also, we see him on Prospit at the end?? So John wakes up before the moon is destroyed?? |
Also, super random... but like... JohnDave. Hello? Kind of out of left field but I'm here for it. I do hope, though, that we get some exploration on June. I think it could be a very interesting direction to explore (With Breath & all), & getting to see it properly adressed outside of Beyond Canon would be super cool! if life was perfect, we would get JohnDave before the meteor... & then June during the Yard. Hello? Can you guys hear me?
Dave!
Whoo boy. People have been saying a LOT about Dave, & for good reason. First of all: I don't mind his voice. Do I wish he sounded a bit more monotone/like he was trying to be cool? Yes. Do I think his voice works for a pseudo-cool 13 year old boy? Yes. But speaking of which... why was he so emotive? Like, really. He was always smiling or yelling or something. I get it, he likes to tease. But why couldn't he tease with a flat affect?? Like, I love to see him smile, but right now??? No! Not yet!! I'm turning to dust! If he was less smiley I think I'd be fine, though. I wish we got a bit more of him pretending to be cool, though. Maybe we'll get that when he talks to characters other than John..? I do love how he's super interactive & uses the little text bubbles the most. It's fun!
 |
| I love how he uses like three scentences to say bye to John. Never shut up, Dave. |
Also, totally talking about that 1 second Davesprite teaser again. We're skipping Calsprite & going straight into Davesprite. Hello?? This is before we enter the game! Cal is going to get destroyed during the Strife with Bro & then we'll see future Dave! Holy shit! Implications!
Rose!
The amount I have to say keeps decreasing because I'm getting tired. I love Rose, though. I do like her straight-man act being emphasized, it cements her very clearly & I've always loved a good serious one. Also, her stickers are cute! I think her voice works well, especially with her tone. My only gripe is that she talks too fast. Like... sometimes I have trouble making out what she's saying? I hope that if they remake the pilot (& make it longer!!) she will stop talking so fast. That's my big thing with her: Let her slow down. She word be enunciating every word, savoring it as a chef does with a signature dish. She relishes in her verbosity. Also, give her back her cranium, please.
 |
| I love her... she's so awesome... |
Jade didn't really get a lot of screentime that I haven't discussed or that I didn't find too overstimulating to parse. I know, I'm sorry. I love her, though. She's very silly... if a bit too excitable? That could just be me, though. Also, I know a lot of people like her voice... but I don't. She sounds like she's 10. She sounds like a younger Mable from Gravity Falls, when she should just sound like Mable, you know? Like please, please, please, her voice is so high... oh my God. Otherwise, I liked her! She was very sweet & fun. I liked her mentioned her Grandpa, too (Hi, Jake!)! I don't fully understand why she didn't get any screen partitions, & instead only got the little bubbles, but I'll live. We got to see her at the end & that made me happy!
 |
| She's really cute!! Hi!! Hi!!! |
Overall Thoughts
Overall... I think the pilot was good. For a pilot. All I need is for the pacing to be slowed down. Really. I do think it has promise, though! If they made the episodes 20-30 minutes I think it would work far better. I am excited to see where it'll go next, though! :-D
Anyways, I just wrote like... 3,500 words. I'm going to go do other stuff I was meaning to do, because I didn't anticipate writing this much... Oops!
Anyways, if you'd like to chat with me about this please do!! Also, thanks for reading!